rhiannonds asked: What has caused your biggest heartache? (And i don't mean this to be strictly in a romantic sense either, anything sir...)
Wow, that’s a big question for an Ask box. People write books about that. (You are awesome for asking it, I mean that as a compliment).
In a general sense, abandonment and the general sense of worthlessness that accompanies it is always the biggest heartache. A bad breakup that leaves you feeling empty, like a piece of you is gone and you can’t get it back, is always shattering for me. Feeling passed over and / or neglected has always caused me heartache.
I once fell in love with a girl who was already engaged to some lunkhead she was being pressured into marrying by her overbearing parents (Catholics throw the world’s most ornate shotgun weddings, btw) and it was too late for our connection to change anything. I actually had the indignity of being invited to her wedding, which I went to out of a sense of obligation. I was so poor at the time, I didn’t own a suit so I had to buy one special just so I could look my best as my heart shattered into two. Not long after, “I Know It’s Over” by the Smiths set my feelings to music, to the exact letter. That was when I knew the Smiths were my favorite group… that song made me cry for days. I used to lie in bed wondering why I was alone, wondering what was wrong with me.
I suppose this could be classified under “abandonment” but wondering why my biological father disowned me before I was born was always a source of heartache and confusion for me. I guess he had his own reasons but it’s hard not to take that personally, for some illogical reason.
Well, I guess I could go on but I’ll save it for some other day, in some other story, not yet written.
